Sunday, November 22, 2009

a very good week

sometimes I can convince myself that I'm capable of mental housecleaning. Usually this happens after a long spell of stress--for me this means aimlessness, frustration, non-motivation, and the sentiment that "I haven't made anything I've liked for months" whether this is the case or not. At some point all of that frustration culminates into a moment of conviction, in which I have a memory lapse, forgetting all sense of accomplishment and happiness I've felt in the past month, and decide I need to DO something about my pathetic situation.

Whether my situation is ever dire enough to warrant such a gung-ho feeling that I am "trying to turn my life around" is questionable. However, this transformation periods always lead to better things, among them serious productiveness (I become prolific in the studio for at least a week or two before things balance out again), an extreme natural high (which takes days to turn off), and an overall confidence in any social situation in which I find myself.

Such a shift took place a couple weeks ago. Although, really, nothing has changed I just feel a bit lighter because the problems that were in the back of my head have disappeared, and I do feel more invested in my artwork. Essentially, what did this was a few good conversations with people I respect and a pleasantly cold walk home that night. Then I had my open studio (with plenty of feedback) and a relaxed weekend at home with Jake and the cats, no work.

The Monday after I threw myself at some blank 12" by 12" panels and a 6' by 4' wooden support with some gouache, markers, cut vellum, and all the energy I'd saved over the weekend. Good things happened, and I suspect that it had to do with making art because I like to make art and a complete lack of concern for what kind of art I think people would like me to make. Of course, when you do that, your teachers always like your art better.

I think making art is how I keep my head clear--it's borderline meditational. When I'm allowing my hand to do what it is compelled to do, I lose total track of time, feel exhausted when I'm finished. Things I see and feel make a little more sense as a result of thinking about them as my hands mix colors or make permanent lines on a page.

The next few posts will showcase the studio progress that has occurred since last Monday.

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